Shadowhunter Talk-Show
by Bibee
Summary: Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices finally meet. (I really enjoyed writing this so I really hope you really enjoy reading it. Really)
1. Herondales and Lightwoods interview

**Hi, I was just imagining Jace and Will having a conversation while I was in the car driving to Melbourne to see Sesame St (Live) with my little bro and luckily I had my laptop with me, so this is was I came up with**

**Enjoy yo selves and review, pretty please with a perfectly good pair of pink pants on top?**

**Bratz: Rock Angels quote aside, please enjoy yourselves :D**

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**Hello and welcome to Talks from the Past, I'm your host Britney. On todays show, we'll be introducing the characters of The Mortal Instruments to their ancestors from The Infernal Devices. First off, we have William Herondale and Jace Herondale. Com'on out here Will!**

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*I'm Sexy and I Know it* - LMAFO_

Will: Where am I?

**Your in the studio**

Will: Why am I in the studio?

**Just shut up for a second, okay. Jace still has to come on**

Will: Who the bloody hell is Jace?

**Will someone get Jace out here!**

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*Can't Hold Us* - Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis_

Jace: Where am I?

**You two just don't shut up do you? Anyways, welcome Will and Jace Herondale**

Jace: Actually, I go by Lightwood

Will: What!? You ungrateful mongrel, you choose to be a Lightworm over me!?

Jace: A what?

Will: Bloody great brutes, all of you!

Jace: Why does he look so much like Alec?

Will: I believe the proper term your looking for is 'Why does Alec look so much like _me_.' Considering I'm his great-great-great-great uncle.

Jace: Wait, I thought you were related to me?

Will: I am you bloody idiot, but Cecily married that Lightworm bastard, sending _my_ good looks down _his _bloodline.

**Okay boys, calm down. Why don't we move on to the first subject. It seems you two have a bit in common, seeing that you both had self-declared curses of sorts.**

Jace: Right, I heard about you. I can't believe you actually believed that demon.

Will: Like you can talk Goldie Locks, at least my curse was real. _To love is to destroy_, _I_ can't believe you fell for _that_!

Jace: Correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand it, you never had a curse.

Will: At least I wasn't in love with my sister

Jace: At least I didn't sleep with my _parabatai's_ fiancé

Will: That's probably because your _parabatai_ is gay

**Sorry Will, but I'm with Jace on this one. That ****_was_**** a pretty dog move**

Will:...Your mouth is moving, and it's forming words, but it doesn't make _any_ sense

Jace: A bit like talking to Simon

Will: Or Henry, half the things that come out of his mouth are complete nonsense

Jace: We should put them on a date

**I think I preferred it when you two didn't like each other.**

Jace: Yeah, but no one cares what you think, 'cos you kidnapped us.

Will: Quite right my blonde friend

**Okay, that's enough out of you two. Jace, you can go back to your dressing room, Will, you stay here. There's some people I'd like you to meet. Everyone, please give a warm welcome to Cecily-**

Will: Believe it or not I already know her

**Will...Shut up. As I was saying, please welcome Cecily, Alec and Isabelle!**

(Studio Audience Cheers)

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*Here's to Everything (Ooh La La)* - Misha B_

Will: Hello my darling sister.

Cecily: Do shut up Will, you're giving me a headache

Isabelle: Who are you two?

**Let me introduce you all. Alec and Isabelle, meet Will and Cecily Herondale-**

Alec: What do they have to do with us?

**If you'll let me ****_finish_****, god, teenagers these days. Alec, Isabelle, this is Will and Cecily Herondale. Will and Cecily, meet Alec and Isabelle Lightwood.**

Will: _More_ of you Lightworm bastards!

Isabelle: Light what?

Cecily: Ignore Will, he's a tad strange. You two look awfully alike, and vaguely familiar.

**That might be because these, Cecily, are your descendants from the 21st century.**

Cecily: That explains a bit, but they look nothing like Gabriel, the boy looks a lot like Will though. But the girl, her eyes are wrong.

Isabelle: Thanks, pleasure to meet you too...

Alec: So, your Will Herondale?

Will: The one and only

Alec: Then you wouldn't by any chance know a warlock named Magnus Bane?

Will: Of course I do

Alec: Oh, I see... (scowl)

**I'm afraid that's all we've got time for for now, stay tuned because after the break we'll be talking to our favourite flamboyant glitter ball, Magnus Bane!**

Will: Does that mean I can leave now?

**You know what? No, you're in the time out corner. We'll be back after this short break.**

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**Hope you liked the first chapter of my talk-show.**

**(I'll give you a hint, next chapter involves Will, Magnus and Alec, just think about that for a while)**

**Love yo all,**

**Your pathetically talentless author, Britney!**


	2. Bane, Lightwood, Herondale, Lovelace

**If you've made it here then I salute you, you have made the brave journey from Chapter One to Chapter Two. I wish you well.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters in this text, except the host Britney, I own her, that's me, I hope I own her, What if Cassandra Clare owns me too? Dear God, CONSPIRACY**

**You've probably stopped reading by now but I'm going to continue anyway. LOLLYPOPS AND RAINBOWS**

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**Hello and welcome back to Talks from the Past, where we are introducing The Infernal Devices characters to their descendants. Now Magnus Bane, who lived through not only The Mortal Instruments but The Infernal devices also, joins us. Come on out Magnus!**

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*Global Concepts* - Robert DeLong_

Magnus: Hello Britney dear, lovely to see you as always, but do tell me, why is Will sitting in that corner?

**He was being a smart-ass so I banished him to the time out corner, but he can come back now, we need to talk with him.**

Will: See, I knew you wanted me

**Shut up Will, okay, now everyone re-welcome Alec!**

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*Still Into You* - Paramore_

Alec: Was that really necessary?

**Yes, I trust you all know each other?**

Magnus: Allow me, Will, Alec, Alec, Will, Blue eyed boys, Magnus. Done

**Uh, right. Um, Magnus would you like to also explain yours and Alec's relationship?**

Magnus: Will, Alec is my ex.

Will: What!?

Alec: Yeah, you heard right, he got rid of us both.

Will: I'm not sure what _you_ are talking about, but the last time I saw Magnus he was ogling Tessa's cleavage at Benedict Lightworm's party.

Alec: Tessa! Who's Tessa! Did you sleep with her as well?

Will: I bloody hell hope not

Alec: What, were you and Magnus dating then?

Will: Magnus and I never dated, what the hell are you on about Lightworm?

Alec: So, you guys aren't exes?

Will: I thought that Magnus was straight, he _was_ with Camille Belcourt-

Magnus: I see myself more as a free-wheeling bisexual

Will: Where did you get the stupid idea that I dated Magnus?

Alec: Camille Belcourt...

Magnus: I may have a confession to make, Will, you know the night you got bitten by the demon that _cursed_ you and you collapsed on my floor and then woke up on my couch with Camille there?

Will: Yeees...

Magnus: Well, I may or may not have told her you were my boy-toy while you were sleeping. SURPRISE!

Will: You've got to be kidding...

Magnus: Nope

**Okay, this is getting tense, how 'bout we swap over. Boys, Magnus, you can leave.**

Magnus: (mumbles) I'm gay, not a tranny.

**Isabelle, come out here, same with you Jessamine.**

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*Ready or Not* - Bridgit Mendler_

Jessamine: _What _is she _wearing_!

Isabelle: What is up with you Victorian age chicks, I thought you were supposed to be polite?

Jessamine: I am the definition of polite, but it's just, your thighs are showing!

Isabelle: _Duh_, it's a mini-skirt, get with the times

Jessamine: And, are those _Marks_ on your arms!

Isabelle: No shit, I'm a Shadowhunter, I thought you were too.

Jessamine: By _blood_, not by choice. I despise Nephilim.

Isabelle: Well aren't you just a ray of sun shine

**I honestly thought this would work out better, you girls can leave and we'll be right back after a few words form our sponsors.**

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**Well that was awks to the extreme. Keep reading, I pinky promise ot will get better, and if it doesn't then I will right something WAY better.**

**Reviews are like male strippers, the more you get the more fun it is. LAWL, I don't even know. Gimme gimme gimme!**


	3. Fairchilds, Branwells and more

**Welcome back and with me is Consul Charlotte Fairchild and her husband Henry Branwell, along with Jocelyn and Clary Fairchild.**

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*Thrift Shop* - Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis_

Clary: So, _your_ the one to blame for my hair.

Henry: Uh, beg your pardon?

Clary: Nothing...

Jocelyn: Clary, be polite. So, Charlotte was it? How did you end up being Consul when you lived in a time when woman didn't really have much of a place?

Charlotte: It was a grueling process, my opinions were second guessed, no one listened-

Clary: Can we stop adult talk please

Henry: Yes, I think I agree with Clary. It's all very dull darling

**Oh Henry, just one of the kids aren't you?**

Henry: Pardon?

**Nothing, nothing. Jocelyn, Charlotte, if you like you can talk in your dressing rooms, Henry, play with this for a while in yours. (Tosses Henry iPhone)**

Henry: Oh my!

Clary: What about me?

**Grab Jace and come back, Will! Tessa! Come in here!**

Will: You just can't get enough can you?

Tessa: Will, behave yourself, we're meeting new people and I don't want you to ruin it for me

Will: Tessa, one of them is related to us, I'm pretty sure they _have_ to like us. And the other is a short red-head, how hard can it be.

Clary: Ex-_cuse _me?

Tessa: Good job Will, good job

Jace: Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes

Will: See, that one, he's got my looks doesn't he?

Tessa: Will... Shut up

Will: Pleasure to make your acquaintance (Kisses Clary's hand)

Clary: Oh, um... (Blushes)

Jace: Okay, that's enough of that (Shoves Will)

Will: Oh really? (Shoves back)

Jace: Yep (Tackles Will off stage)

Clary: JACE!

Tessa: WILL! They never learn, do they?

Clary: You have no idea

**We'll be back after this break**

**Thank you for watching Talks from the Past, next time, we'll**

?: I think you missed someone

**Who would that be?**

Sebastian: Me

Nate: And me

(Cue Entrance Song)

_*I Could be the One* - Avicii and Nicky Romero _

**Who cued that song!? 'Cos that was super creepy!**

Sebastian: Did you miss me?

**Of course I missed the creepy ass brother committee. Go ahead, take a seat. This'll be interesting. So, how do you both feel after abandoning, violating, tricking, or doing all of the above, to your sisters? I'm curious.**

Nate: Technically, Theresa isn't my sister.

**Yeah yeah, just answer the question. She trusted you and you tricked her into thinking you cared for her and then abandoned her, thoughts?**

Nate: Ouch

Sebastian: That's a bit harsh, don't you think?

**Yes, sorry, I should be asking you how ****_you_**** feel, shouldn't I? So how bout it, you seduced Clary, knowing she was your sister while she didn't, manipulated her, beat her bloody and took the love of her life away from her, ending in her ****_stabbing_**** him just to get him back. How do ****_you_**** feel?**

Sebastian: I'd do it all again

Nate: Wait, you _seduced_ your sister!?

Sebastian: Egyptians use to marry their siblings, strengthened the bloodlines.

**Magnus!**

Magnus: Don't worry, I'm on it. (Snaps fingers and Nate and Sebastian disappear)

**Thanks Magnus. That it for Talks from the Past, hope to see you soon and goodnight!**

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**Yay for Magnus banishing Nate and Sebastian the evil, demon, mean, ruthless, cute, hot, f#cking amazing... Shut up, just cos he's a demon doesn't mean he isn't hot**

**Reviews are my chocolate, I eat them ****_all _****up, and I also sell them to my neighbours to fundraise for my Netball Club**

**Forever yours,**

**Britney 3**


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